i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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