So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
