the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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