there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A bitchslap is in order.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
