haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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