Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
