U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
