no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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