My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
