If i come over, it means nothing
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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