you guys were way drunker than both of me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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