my sisters under your porch take her home
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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