i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
