hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
