Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
