I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
