The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
