You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
