well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I want to fling myself into the sun
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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