so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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