Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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