She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want nice things and good sex
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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