Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
