He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
