So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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