If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
