My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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