The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
