I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
4 words: hood of his car
i think i have two assholes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pants are for mortals
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
