I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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