Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
