he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
