Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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