im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I need moral support for this bender
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
