Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
