I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
