I will die if light touches me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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