Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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