Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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