Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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