I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
