I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
