I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
