the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
