It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
