Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
