apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
