ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
