Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
