Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
